How to Get out of a Relationship with a Narcissist

True love supposedly conquers all, but that doesn’t mean you have to force yourself to stay with someone when they’re actively making you miserable. 

Lots of things can lead to a breakup, and one of the major causes is a conflict in personality between you and your partner that you weren’t aware of before the relationship began. As relationships develop, true colors begin to show and habits that may have been lurking under the surface may become more glaringly obvious.

Sometimes we get so used to a certain way of life that we begin to accept things that we shouldn’t, including a toxic partner. It’s especially hard to break free when dealing with a narcissistic partner, someone who’s unable to accept they’ve hurt you or is unable to even care.

What is a narcissist?

A “narcissist” is typically someone who only cares about themselves and has little regard for anyone else, including their partner.

Narcissistic personality disorder, a diagnosable mental health disorder, causes individuals to have an inflated sense of self-worth, have a hard time understanding other people’s criticisms or plights, be unable to accept when they’re wrong, and much more. 

Not everyone described as a narcissist or every person who exhibits these traits and behaviors has narcissistic personality disorder. An individual who’s grown up in an environment that fosters narcissistic tendencies may perpetuate them without even realizing just how toxic they can be.

Those who fail to address these behaviors and allow them to impact others are generally the type to end up in toxic relationships that make partners feel trapped. These relationships are often defined by fear, manipulation, self-doubt, and conflict.

So, if being with a narcissist is such an issue, why do people stay with them? One of the most obvious answers is the simple fact that it can be incredibly difficult to break up with a narcissist.

Narcissists typically won’t realize that their actions are wrong or hurtful towards their partner, so they may be confused when their partner wants to break up with them, In response, they might cause an argument or try to convince their partner that what they’re doing isn’t actually a problem (gaslighting), and their partner is the one in the wrong. 

After all, in a narcissist’s mind, they can’t do anything wrong, and problems are caused by other people. This means it can be very hard to even know how to start the process of finding validation and moving on.

How can I end a relationship with a narcissist? 

Ending a relationship in this scenario generally takes a good deal of personal strength, commitment, and perseverance. The following tips can help you get started, but it’s a good idea to make sure you have a solid, complete plan before you begin taking action.

1. No More “One More Chance”

If you’re deciding to leave a narcissist, then you need to be ready to put your foot down and insist on the end of the relationship. They will most likely try to convince you to stay with them or convince you that nothing is wrong with what’s going on between the two of you. 

Stay firm in your belief that the relationship needs to end, and don’t give in to their pleas that you give them just one more chance. 

Most importantly, though, don’t let them convince you of any wrongdoing on your behalf. If you’ve tried to leave more than once only to be stopped, then they are the problem, not you.

2. Have Some Spare Cash

If you’re planning on breaking up with a narcissist and have been living with them for some time, prepare to have some money to take with you in order to help you out during the first few days apart from them. 

They might try to cut you off from accessing any joint accounts the two of you might have, and it can take some time to sort out the account separation. 

Just be prepared with some money to tide you over in the meantime. If you’re not living together and don’t have joint accounts, then this probably won’t be a concern.

3. Don’t Try to Reconnect

If you’re really ready to break it off with a narcissist, don’t come back to them later looking for friendship or to mend things, at least not until they’ve shown signs of genuine change. Otherwise, they may take it as a sign that you realized you made a mistake and you want them back. 

As good of friends or partners as you might have been before, you don’t owe them anything. Be firm and honest with yourself; even though it may be tempting to reach out, it’s likely to put you back in the same sort of situation you just removed yourself from.

You might miss them, and that’s okay, but stay strong and stay away. 

4. Ignore Them

As narcissists struggle to or can’t believe that they can do anything wrong, they can be superb emotional abusers who can get into your head and convince you of anything in order to fit their narrative. 

They may try to tell you sob stories to make you feel bad and come running back into their arms, for instance, or try and manipulate you into returning by placing the blame on you. The more you engage with a toxic person, the more opportunities they have to take advantage of your empathy and feelings for them.

So, try your best to cut things off completely. If you have to, block their number and all accounts on social media. 

Final Thoughts

It’s not an overreaction to prioritize your own mental health over “fixing” someone else. It’s also not cruel. 

No matter what anyone may try to convince you of, doing what’s best for you in these sorts of situations is an admirable and truly courageous thing to do. And you should be proud of it.

Marie Miguel Biography

Marie Miguel has been a writing and research expert for nearly a decade, covering a variety of health- related topics. Currently, she is contributing to the expansion and growth of a free online mental health resource with BetterHelp.com. With an interest and dedication to addressing stigmas associated with mental health, she continues to specifically target su